For the record, the correct way to convincingly ape my personality does not involve quoting mopey poetry and crapulent Vampire Chronicles fanfics I wrote before swansongs even existed. A few pointers:
* Whine about how poor you are.
* A lot.
* No, more than that.
* And how much you resent your job for sucking up all of your free time and making you into a constantly-tired pudgy slob. Don't actually actively look for another one, though.
* And that B leaving you for some ho is indicative of the fact that you will never meet anyone whom you like that likes you back and won't leave you for someone younger and more pliable.
* When you get off work/school, stay home on the computer until 2am on your fandom profile reading My Chemical Romance fanfic while eating chocolate and squealing "OMG Gerard Way I WANT TO HAVE LIKE 751321487 OF YOUR BABIES." (Reading Doctor Who fic while making similar shrieky statements about the Tenth Doctor is also acceptable.)
* Also, the minute you get paid, spend all your money on, like, fizzy yogurt snacks. And pants that don't really fit, but that you wish did.
* Completely fail to see the irony in all this.
And then post some photos of yourself, preferably topless and with no warning to friends surfing at work.
VOILA. YOU WILL FOOL EVEN ME WITH THE AMAZINGNESS OF MY LIFE.